Looking back

If I had a dollar for every time I have been told to not look back in the past I would be a very rich man right now. Instead, I am poor and look back way too often. Recently, I had a reunion of sorts. With my ex, a son I have never met and the son that I raised and his sister. No doubt it was long over due. Over due because of me more then anyone. Another one of my many fuck-ups in life I will have to live with.

Not sure I am strong enough to really get into it all at this point, sufficient to say my track record in life is not something to be proud of in anyway. Pretty much I represent the way things should not be done. Most of my adulthood I took the path of trying not to deal with my feelings. This hasn’t just been flat out wrong it has done nothing but hurt others along the way. Not sure I wouldn’t have hurt them if I did it any other way either. All too often I just seem to stumble into things in life. No real plan for anything, just bounce around till I hit something and not having any skills to know much I screw it up. No wonder I don’t have any real friends or my relationship with pretty much everyone is shaky at best.

It could be said I am my worst enemy and that would be pretty damn honest statement of fact. All my failures are my own and I have a path of unfinished potholes behind me. My wish now is that I can start doing things the right way and stop letting myself down. Minimize the trail of hurt I have already carved out on this path.

Frustrated

Well, I am just flat out stumped and frustrated. Last couple of weeks feel like I have not gotten much done. It is pissing me off, but at least I am now doing something about.

Working out; Let’s just say I am not happy how this has been going. Went last week and worked out with this guy. He was really awesome and trying to show me things. But, I was in no way ready for that. We worked on abs to start, needless to say my guts hurt for a week! So, I am going back and shooting a bit lower, and working my way up.

Photography; It is coming along. Hope to have my photo blog up and running in the next day or so. Made some business cards and will have them this week. Will post more on all this later.

Overall, I am just mad at myself. Know I have things to do and I am just not getting them done as I should. Wish I wasn’t so bogged down with things.

WOW!

This seems pretty interesting. Makes me wonder.

3 super-Earths found around one star – Space- msnbc.com: “”

(Via .)

In a funk

Not sure why, but no doubt I am feeling somewhat down the last few days. Know that I was off meds for a couple days played into it. But, i find myself asking a lot of those unanswered questions that seem to plague me. Drives me nuts I swear!

So, this morning I was talking to my mom. Telling her that when things get crazy I tend to go to coffee shops to get work done because I am not as distracted. This opened up a conversation about ADHD (which I have.) She thinks that the coffee shop would have too many distractions for me, yet I find I get so much more done when I am I go there. Just look at my blog postings, 90% are done when I go to a coffee shop. Not to mention i get tons of email done and other things on my to do list (when daylite works.) Anyone have any insight or thoughts on this? Am I just being stupid?

Right now I am finishing this up so I can head to the gym. Will start posting about my workouts pretty soon so its just another thing to have on here.

Talk to ya later!